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Splitting the Check Etiquette

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Postby Ninesling on Sat Sep 04, 2010 10:31 pm


My boyfriend and I are supposed to meet another couple tomorrow for a late afternoon meal. We have never met them before and know very little about them other than they like to game, they are a Marine family, and they have 2 children. Since they live on base at Camp Lejeune about 1.5 hours away they decided they would like to come out to us and eat at a local landmark century old restaurant. It is a little more expensive than we usually eat, but we agreed and now I am having these weird "Splitting the check" anxieties.

I googled "Splitting the check" protocol, but the advice seems all over the map. I haven't had splitting the check issues in the past because usually I am eating with friends, and discussing who pays for what is very comfortable. The restaurant we are choosing has a "No Split Checks" policy. Do you guys have some advice for me?
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Postby Saif on Sat Sep 04, 2010 11:39 pm


In general, I like to bring a good amount of cash to such meetings, in case they won't even split a check on cards, and if it seems like the other party has bought a good deal more than 50% of the check, I will typically break out my price and do the tax and 20% tip on top of that just to be safe across the board - that typically puts me a bit over my share but I'd rather be over than under in such circumstances.

If the other party suggests a 50% split even if they've spent a good deal more (this has never happened) I would probably just go along with it and note it for future meetings when deciding whether to hang out with them or not in a dinner situation again. But then again, I prefer not to be confrontational about such things.
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Postby Dragonbear82 on Sun Sep 05, 2010 5:35 am


I have no real advice for you, but your post reminded me of a very funny conversation I was privy too about "drinking in self defense"
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Postby gronti on Sun Sep 05, 2010 7:58 am


I'd err on the side of being generous in this case, if you can afford it this one time. They're traveling very far to meet you and it's a big social investment for all concerned. If things go well, you'll have gaming buddies!
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Postby Ninesling on Sun Sep 05, 2010 8:04 am


I was going to bring cash and then when the bill comes offer to split it down the middle. I just did't know if I had to do the whole "no no I got this" thing since they are in fact coming quite a distance. If I see they start to order drinks or appetizers or lobster I guess I will just match their order with my own. Hey, I don't mind having to down a few drinks or lobsters in order to even things out.
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Postby gaylord500 on Sun Sep 05, 2010 5:41 pm


Couldn't you ask for two checks when you order? It doesn't sound like there's any confusion about one side inviting the other.
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Postby Questionor on Sun Sep 05, 2010 5:56 pm


Saif wrote:If the other party suggests a 50% split even if they've spent a good deal more (this has never happened) I would probably just go along with it and note it for future meetings when deciding whether to hang out with them or not in a dinner situation again. But then again, I prefer not to be confrontational about such things.


I'm a very confrontational person, and what Saif said is still what I'd do.

Remember there's a difference between someone who orders more cause that's just what they would order by themselves even and someone who's trying to take advantage. If you thought it was the first case and the money is significant to you, I would just pay that time. And if it happens multiple times maybe just sometime politely say "maybe we can get separate checks next time cause you guys order stuff that's a lot more than expensive than us. If you think it's the second case where they are trying to take advantage of you, as long as it's not crazy ridiculous money (like they spent 10 times more than you did) then I'd just pay and say f'em and not talk to them again. If they did spend crazy ridiculous like 10 times more and I thought they were trying to take advantage only then would I go into confrontation mode, but otherwise it's not worth getting yourself upset about it.

Also another thing if 50% split really is fair but the places they keep wanting to goto are really out of your price range, then tell them (no confrontation or anger needed). If they worth being friends with they will completely understand. If they don't understand or treat it as a confrontation then just move on.

In general, you have to trust your friends. I know you don't really know them yet but in the beginning you give them the benefit of the doubt. But if you move from "don't know" into "don't trust", just move on and ya don't worry about etiquette.
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Postby Questionor on Sun Sep 05, 2010 5:58 pm


gaylord500 wrote:Couldn't you ask for two checks when you order? It doesn't sound like there's any confusion about one side inviting the other.


Servers hate this generally and imo it's kind of tacky. Sometimes you do eventually need to do separate checks but to start this way with someone is a real sign of lack of trust.
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Postby Questionor on Sun Sep 05, 2010 6:03 pm


Ninesling wrote: I just did't know if I had to do the whole "no no I got this" thing since they are in fact coming quite a distance.

Nah, in fact if I was in the situation you describe and someone pushed me that "they got this", I'd think they were trying to show off, look down on me, or maybe impress me or something similar but I can't imagine a good reason for it. (Now that's different if your long term friends, or if you were on a date with someone, or lots of other situations, I'm saying just for this situation you are in)
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Postby jware30 on Sun Sep 05, 2010 7:06 pm


Split it down the middle.
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